Caring for Aging Parents: VNA Can Help

Being the Experts When Our Parents Age

Mark Twain is well remembered for remarking that at the age of 14, he could not believe all that his father did not know. But when he became 21, he was amazed at how much his father had learned in just 7 years.

As we become adult children, we often begin to appreciate our parents’ greater experience as people in the world. They help us with our homework, to buy our first car, baby sit our children; maybe help us buy our first home. We might rely on their experience, we might still dismiss it, but somehow, it’s there and we know it.

So when a parent or an older loved one begins to age, the uncharted territory can be devastating. The reversal of roles is terribly difficult as parents begin to rely more on an adult child’s organizational skills, patience, physical strength, and emotional endurance. Particularly if you work in the medical field, the reliance on you as the “expert” magnifies the reversal of the relationship. But even the experts find that navigating the long-term care system is enormously challenging when planning and caring for their parents.

Managing the maze of long-term care is difficult to do alone. People seldom realize they don’t have to. The Personal Service Program of the VNA of Manchester and Southern NH is specifically designed to help you and your parents, to manage and anticipate the ever-changing needs of the aging process.

Here are two tips to help you plan for an aging parent:

Don’t wait: Give yourself permission to get assistance in caring for your aging parents.

Take A Proactive Role: Don’t wait until a parent or elderly loved one falls, makes a medication error, or becomes dehydrated.

Start Early, Start Gradually: As people grow older, it is easier to adjust to someone coming and assisting with errands or housekeeping, and to gradually accept the personal caregiving that is needed when bathing and dressing alone is no longer safe. Establish a relationship with a good agency who can handle all of your transitional needs.

Thank You For Joining Us!

The Visiting Nurse Association of Manchester and So. NH is pleased to announce the wonderful success of its recent benefit and auction event, "Pairing For Caring," held on June 17th at the NH Institute of Art in Manchester, NH.

Guests enjoyed light fare from some of the area's most notable restaurants including Hanover Street Chop House, Richard's Bistro and Z Food and Drink; the fine chocolate of Van Otis, each and all paired with particular fine wines by Martignetti Companies of NH. The evening was complemented by the vibrant entertainment of NH award winning singer/songwriter Alli Beaudry and a silent auction full of wonderful donations. This first annual event raised more than $20,000 to benefit VNA Hospice Services.

WE WISH TO THANK OUR GENEROUS SPONSORS

Please visit their websites to find out more about them!

Anagnost Properties

Bernstein Shur Counselors at Law

Brady Sullivan Properties

Elliot Senior Health Center

Haggerty's Cleaning Service, Merrimack, NH

Hillcrest Terrace Retirement Community

McLane, Graf, Raulerson & Middleton, PA

Butenhoff & Bomster, PC

VNA Home Healthcare / VNA Personal Services / VNA Hospice

Telehealth Is One Way To Provide Relief For A Caregiver

Remaining in your own home is one of the most desirable ways to grow older. For many people, remaining at home is probably also one of the safest choices.

For caregivers and family members who worry about elderly friends and parents, there are ways to alleviate your fears.
Teleheath is one of those ways. For as much as some people spend on cell phone or cable service, a small electronic device can be placed in an elderly family member's home and attached to their telephone.

The device can take blood pressure, measure oxygen levels, weight fluctuations, and more! The device sends the information via the telephone directly to a computer at the VNA so a nurse can monitor the results.

Even if you are concerned simply for the safety of someone who has been ill or is frail, this device can bring you great peace of mind for a reasonable cost. It is particularly helpful to adult children who might live far away from their parents in New Hampshire.

Call the VNA today at (603) 663-HOME (4663) or 1-800-624-6084 and ask about TELEHEALTH.

The VNA Can Help Your Parents Stay At Home...So You Don't Have To

I was recently talking to a family caregiver who told me that she was so committed to taking care of her elderly mother she didn't realize she had dropped out of her own life.

She explained that every year, she traditionally spent time with the same friends on the Fourth of July watching fireworks from their boat on one of the Great Lakes. But in the last two years, she had canceled to take care of her mom. When she called this year, everyone was disappointed because they had already invited someone else and couldn't fit any more people. Her mother was angry with her.

Sometimes, caregivers can get so involved with taking care of a mom or dad or other loved ones, they sometimes forget their own needs, dismissing them as frivolous or thinking "I can have fun later."

It is so important to stay involved with your own life.

Losing touch with your friends weakens your support systems.

Denying yourself a break leads to burn-out.

Constantly arriving late at work or taking too much time off can jeopardize employment.

Often caregivers are caring for a senior, a parent, a grandparent while caring for their own families. This lack of balance hurts you as the caregiver and does not allow time for your spouse, family, and friends. It does not set a good example for your own children.

All caregiving roles eventually end. It is enough to grieve and re-adjust to life without that other person, but finding yourself without your own routine or your own supports makes it even more difficult. Building HELP into the caregiving role, not only gives you the strength to go the long distance, but also helps you to have the balance for yourself. Letting yourself off the hook allows you to do fun activities, relax, and enjoy breaks -- all necessary to maintain your wellbeing.

This is another great article about caregiving that might help you. Visit AARP for more information.

Whether you share a hobby with your caregiver, share it with someone for whom you care, or simply enjoy it by yourself, it is important to develop creative ways to share and relax.

Quilting is a wonderful and traditional hobby, typically shared by women, but certainly growing in popularity with men and even children.

This beautiful, multi-textured, three-dimensional quilt by one caregiver is one example of the beauty that can evolve from a pair ofdevoted hands.

Keeping hands and minds busy is just as important as it is fun. Certainly it can help to reduce stress; studies show it helps to improve conditions such as high blood pressure and help keep keep your mind sharp.

Whether you like to quilt, needlepoint, whittle, or do crossword puzzles, consider either sharing your hobby by teaching someone else who might be interested, or consider whether you need to spend more time investing in one.

Gracefully Growing Older With Good Health And Good Help

OATMEAL AND ATTITUDE … AND POSSIBLY A CAT TOO

What does it take to live to 100?...Does it matter?...Many believe that it is out of their control, period.

Maybe the better question is how to stay young, which led that sage of our time, George Carlin, to once remark, “Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.”

For doctors, scientists, caregivers and others who study the mysteries of aging, living to 100 may even be more about those moments than the genes we inherit. Indeed, Swedish researchers in 1998 determined by studying identical twins, separated at birth but reared apart, only 20-30% of aging is a result of our genes. The rest is more or less shaped by the choices we make (diet, health) and the connections we maintain (family, work, religion).

Nevertheless, Dr. Thomas Perls, director of the New England Centenarian Study at Boston University, told The Washington Post in 2004, “Living to 100 is basically like hitting the lottery. You have all these factors, but, like lottery numbers, they have to line up in the right way.” Thus, those who do live to 100 are often at a loss to explain their longevity, or can only offer humorous advice. For a 106 year old male recently interviewed by Amy Reid, also with the New England Centenarian Study, the secret of living long boils down to “oatmeal and attitude.” This latter half, attitude, is as much a coping mechanism as an outlook on life, since many in this age group outlive family and friends, continually accepting what is while developing new relationships and interests.

Having worked with the elderly for almost 30 years, Leah Chandler, long term care coordinator at the Visiting Nurse Association of Manchester and Southern New Hampshire, identifies one trait above all in seeing those who reach 100: a sense of purpose. Most have personally experienced or witnessed incredible suffering in their lives, economic depressions, world wars, family tragedies, yet maintain a perspective to “live with what I’ve been dealt.”
Moreover, centenarians are very comfortable talking about their deaths, often counting birthdays in months, rather than years.

And ultimately the decision of living to 100 is not theirs to make. Leaving that decision to God or a Higher Power provides, as the Christian Bible says, a peace that passes all understanding. According to Perls, over 80% of those 65 and older list their religious beliefs as “a very important influence in their lives.”

Meanwhile, one may predict a centenarian in the making by visiting Pat (not her real name), a 90 something female in Manchester with the iconic Sallman portrait, The Head of Christ, glowing in her living room. She claims she “eats too much,” and that is why she is still hanging around. Single most of her life, orphaned as a young child, she never expected much, but does find adequate company with an equally well-fed tabby cat. Studies also show, not surprisingly, that companion pets can have a lasting effect. In between feline stretches and yawns, a smile comes across Pat’s face, and the evidence is clear.

Chad Abel-Kops of Bedford, NH, wrote this article for a course on feature writing at the Nackey S. Loeb School of Communications in Manchester. He holds an MA in Religion from Yale University, as well as an MS in Library Science from The Catholic University of America. His e-mail address is: abelkops@gmail.com.

If you would like to submit an article or story to our caregiver blog, please feel free to e-mail Jen Farrell at jfarrell2@elliot-hs.org.

Light Up A Life

Over 100 stenciled candles currently shine in the windows of the 33 South Commercial Street mill building, home to the Visiting Nurse Association of Manchester and Southern NH.

Windows of neighboring businesses, Elliot On-Call, Elliot EMS Institute, Grossman, Tucker, Perreault & Pfleger, CMA Civil Engineers and Langer Place Property Management also share the glow.

Lit over the past week, the candles will remain in place through the New Year, celebrating the work of Hospice and the community it serves. Lighting candles is an internationally-recognized way to raise awareness and funding for Hospice. Known as Light Up A Life, this observance reminds us all that regardless of our tradition, occupation, or age, this is the time of year to remember those who bring light into our lives.

Getting Help When You Need It Most

Getting the right kind of help, when we need it, can be a real challenge.

First, recognizing when you need help, particularly when you’re in a familiar situation, isn’t that easy to do. Caregivers are often highly functioning multi-taskers who don’t even know they’re exhausted. Sometimes the care they’re providing has escalated so slowly and steadily, a caregiver might not even notice the greater demands on their time and energy.

Other times, the demands on a caregiver change so suddenly, the caregiver has little time to even consider the impact on their own physical, emotional, psychological, and sociological well-being.

Particularly with the holiday season fast approaching, time is rare when it comes to exercise, rest, or even just to spend with friends and have fun -- a requirement for caregivers if they want to take care of themselves as well.

Looking back, caregivers will often say they only have very blurry memories of holidays, if at all. Only much later do they realize how "taking it all on" and not getting help, robs everyone around them almost as much as it robs themselves.

Taking the time to gain the perspective you need so that you can identify when you need help is important. Determining the kind of help you need is essential.

Think of what might happen if you don’t get help. If you don’t get help before you wind up hurt or exhausted, or worse, who will be there to take care of your loved one at all? If you wind up hurt, you need twice the help you needed before.

Asking for help, whether discussing it with your own healthcare provider, your family, or exploring a service like the VNA, can help you determine your needs, enjoy your life and family so much more, and most importantly, prevent a crisis. Finding out more about new technologies that can provide you with some relief and peace of mind when you can't be there for someone you care about can also help.

This holiday season, make a decision to get the help you need. Call the VNA.

Whether a patient or a loved one is aging, chronically ill, recovering from surgery, or dying, helping them to remain in their own homes with the help of the VNA can be safer, more efficient, and more comfortable than almost any other alternative.

Heathcare providers and caregivers alike should feel more confident than ever about home healthcare, particularly with the advancements of such services as Telehealth and Senior Life Planning. Telehealth, a home monitoring system which measures such things as weight, heart rate and blood pressure, and Senior Life Planning, a comprehensive evaluation and analysis of present and future needs conducted by geriatric care managers should be considered for any patient who requires on-going care or who is aging at home.

Finding out more about these services could help you now or later on in the future. Taking advantage of them can provide you great peace of mind for a caregiver and sometimes a lot of relief from anxiety for the patient or your loved one.

For those elderly or chronically ill not quite ready for comprehensive services, VNA can still provide convenient services such as home blood draws for lab work such as coumadin testing.

If you are concerned about a patient or a loved one who might benefit from home healthcare, consider calling VNA of Manchester and Southern NH at 663-HOME (4663).

FLU SEASON IS NOW: TAKE CARE!

It's flu season! Particularly the elderly need to be careful during this time of year since a compromised immune system can make it harder to fight off complications like dehydration and pneumonia.

Caregivers need to be especially careful too, since they are often caring for an elderly family member as well as their own growing family. Even the most meticulous caregivers however, can sometimes overlook the obvious. Teaching your children to regularly wash their hands, sneeze and cough into their elbows and sleeves, and not touch their faces is daunting enough. But being so busy that you're out of soap one day can make it all for naught. If you have a big family, that could mean two weeks at home, not working, with one sick child after another, and no one to take care of your mom.

Make sure everyone gets their flu shots. Check with your employer to see if they are offering flu shots. The VNA of Manchester and Southern NH will provide the service to employers of 10 staff or more. Remember to wash your hands with soap and stay at home if you feel sick.